Sunday, November 2, 2008

Jumbled thoughts while driving

Strange feeling these days. Listened to the song "Landslide" by Stevie Nicks on the way home and feel that the lyrics are so true "children get older and I'm getting older too". Up through my 40s I felt alive, attractive and vital. In my 50s, when I walk in a room with either one or both of my daughters, I blend into the background wallpaper, like I don't exist. I'm happy that they are so beautiful but at the same time, sad for the loss of my youth and all that it means, both joyful and sorrowful. I don't wish for the angst they feel at times with their relationships but do miss the excitement. I reflected that through my 40s I always wore a signature scent and these days, my signature scent is Vaseline intensive care. I am a crone, an elder, a wise woman. How can I be a crone and recapture the joy it is to live, I wonder? Do crones just sit back and give advice or do they live as well?

After the song "Landslide" finished, "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield came on - the lyrics "Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten" and I reflected that while we are alive, we need to live, no matter how old we are - the rest is still unwritten. We can affect all the people in our lives still. Think of those wonderful grandparents that give great love to their grandchildren. Oh lord, am I a grandparent? Not yet, but I am a grand aunt and at that age. I sometimes wonder if I didn't have children if I'd be so aware of time passing? Interesting that this song followed Landslide. Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, ......

1 comment:

Gretchen said...

Hardly jumbled, quite clear thoughts from a wise sage and beautiful crone. Alas, keep working out with Diane and she will have you looking like your daughters and the vibrant yourthful body will return as the mind also sees her image with love.
Love, Scratchy.