Spring has sprung

I want to be happy and joyful that spring has sprung but I find myself tired, achy, hard-pressed to be joyful today. My head is headachy. My house needs cleaning up and clearing out. I bought a new car out of necessity but worry that I made the wrong choice. Will it have enough get up and go? My neck hurts. This is a whine fest today. I will have to drop this now and pray, that is the only thing that can save me, I know this in my heart and soul.

Love continues

Okay, after I logged off I realized that I haven't written about the love that started last year, July 2009 to be exact. I am now past the honeymoon phase and into the real relationship phase with all the exciting, wonderful stuff and all the sad and loony stuff and I continue to learn new things about him and new things about me in how I relate and trust him. It's funny how we idealize everything in the beginning, okay, so it's hormones or something like that, but I am too old to have hormones wanting to find a man to propagate the species, right? But passion exists into your later years I am finding and that is a good thing, well maybe not for your hips?

It's like a life lesson that I should have had many years ago and am now just having where someone loves me and I trust and believe that love. For so many years I just kept this heart in check, it was easier to be alone and then I wouldn't get hurt or feel sad when that person was gone. Every day it is a risk to love and when you are in love, the risk is worth it. How do you keep on loving with the risk? Tell me. It is so scary. I keep looking into the future and have to step back because I only have today. It isn't really a zen thing to me. When you lose an important relationship like a parent when you are young or your own child, something changes in you that you know someone you love can be snatched away in a moment. Even love can be lost when you didn't expect it because you weren't seeing or reading the other person wisely when you should have, you just trusted. Oh my.

Finally a post in 2010

It's March 4, 2010 and this is my first post in the new year. What is up with that? Every day I hear myself tell someone in my life at the end of the day - I am so tired. Why are we all so tired? Why do we all have hurt backs or depression or anxiety? Is it because there is so much going on? Even when I meditate and do the labyrinth in the same day, I am still stressed. I asked the witch doctor for some anti-anxiety pills and got them but debate taking them now that I have them. A little bit of stomach knots but otherwise seem to make it through the day. What will these crazy pills do to my wacky system? The Witch doctor thinks that maybe they will keep my slightly rising blood pressure under wraps. Hope so. Lord, I pray for your divine guidance and direction - this can't just be old age, can it?