Taize Prayer

We're on this spiritual path this year and one of the suggestions Gretchen made was to attend the monthly Taize prayer service at Mercy Center. It was so beautiful, I cannot even properly describe it. The church was all dark when we entered, only lit by candlelight. The cross was laying on the alter not on the wall. There were harps, violins, piano and elderly nuns chanting. The church filled up to it's capacity. Voices joined into the chanting along with the nuns.

I recalled when I was 7 and making my first communion. I sat in the darkened church, only lit by candlelight, I had just finished my first confession and sat in complete silence, protection and as close to God as I have ever been in my life. It was pouring rain outside and I never wanted to leave. Last night brought up that memory. As close to God as I can be.

In the middle of the session, everyone got in line and went up to lay their forehead on the cross to unburden their fears. Diane pushed me, go on, go up at the very beginning so I followed Gretchen and Joe but soon learned that every single person in the church must do this. It's not like communion where only some take communion. I felt that the entire congregation went up to the cross. As the line finally shortened, Diane tapped me and said, do you want to go up again? I thought, what? go up again? why? as only a good Catholic girl would say, right because we only take communion once but I knew that Diane needed moral support to do this so I went and when I got up there, I realized that in my first pass, I forgot Kyle. I sighed and said, oh yes Lord, that's why I'm here again. thank you.

The other thought I had was this - women get it. The Nuns didn't need the pomp and circumstance of a formal mass to worship, to prayer, just chanting, light and the Lord. And guess what? there were a lot of men in attendance.

9-1-1

In her usual manner, Julia posed question after question about my father's death to better understand what happened. As I tried to explain the events of the day as I best remembered them, she asked me in frustration, why didn't anyone call 9-1-1? And it occurred to me that 9-1-1 didn't exist back then. I thought that most likely an ambulance or a coronor's wagen came but that we didn't have 9-1-1. It came as a shock to me that things that have been created or invented are just taken for granted, as if these things were always available to us. How many other things have been created in our lifetimes that we just accept? I'm not talking the big obvious things like cell phones, the internet, video's but the small things like 9-1-1, trauma teams, EMTs - when and how did all of this come to be?

Interesting enough, the next night on ER, they had a character that played the man who invented the system and brought trauma teams in. I wondered how much of this was true but if there was one person who really started this, God bless him and every other person who comes up with these ideas.

Synchronosity

Is this how you spell it? Not sure. Thinking that this could be called mini-miracles or glimpses of faith. Do you ever put something out there in the universe or whatever you want to call it and it happens? Friend applied to graduate schools. Another friend not connected calls me to go to lunch (first time in 8 years), drives down to Foster City and at the end, when I ask her about her son, says he's now admissions director at one of the schools my other friend applied to and he sent me an email the very next day. And who put it out in the universe - was it me? was it the friend? I don't know. I just know that it happens. One time I thought in my mind, I just want to read a book about St. Francis that was not written by the Catholic Church, unbiased. That Sunday, the front page of the pink section in the Chronicle featured St. Francis and listed all books about him, and noted those books not written by the church. I was mystified but did buy and read one or more of the books. San Francisco, St. Francis. I was born in the city of St. Francis. How fitting, how miraculous.

God must have spent a little more time on you

Heard this old NSync song on the radio driving home tonight from Di's house and I remembered how when I first heard it, I thought it was so beautiful and it made me think of one of my sister-in-laws who I just had talked to on the phone.

At the time, I thought she was definitely one of those people that God had spent more time on but reflecting back on it now, I think that all of my sister-in-laws are people that God spent alittle more time on. Penny and the tremendous love she has for her family, Diane and her easygoing but loving ways, accepting everyone and being open to everyone - so admire that quality in her, Karen and her caring/giving ways to her family and friends, her ability to get in and do the work, the volunteering, whatever needs to be done and lastly Sherry, whom I've spent years meditating with. I don't know her as well but I do know one thing, my brothers have picked the most wonderful women in the world. I love them all so much and we in the family are fortunate to have these people that God spent more time on. These courageous women, mothers, sisters, friends, daughters, wives - they are truly the best.

The Whole of Life

The start of 2009 is certainly a topsy-turvy of strong emotions. As I flew home from London, I watched a movie about a ghost of a husband who is trying to help his wife from beyond by connecting her with this dentist. It was appropriate to see flying home from London as the dentist is a Brit and the wife is American. Do the airlines think of things like this? The movie was entertaining but what I came away from the movie was this lovely little song by John Mayer. It strikes me that I like a lot of his songs - "Say", "Daughters", "Free Falling" and this song "The Heart of Life" that played at the end of the movie. It's lyrics so fit what I see around me. Julia downloaded it from iTunes for me and I listen to it now as I write.

A couple of weeks ago, my cousin Vince lost his little Pug Olive on my Aunt Rose's 85th birthday. Olive was a rescue that he had for a year and he was only getting her regular innoculations. An innocuous thing to do on a bright Saturday morning. You'd never expect that by nightfall, you heart would be full of pain, would you? My heart broke for him and his sister Jeanne, as they tried to be cheerful for their mom on her birthday.

This past week we celebrated the inauguration of Barack Obama into the presidency. The country was filled with emotion, awe, amazement - we were and are the most united I can remember Americans being since the Kennedy days. We will all remember where we were when the inauguration happened. As for Scratchy and me, we were in a vendor meeting from 8-10 a.m. - geez, what terrible timing!

But back to the song and the touching lyrics. I watch my daughter Julia struggle with the up's and down's of first love and loss and my heart breaks for her. I never realized when I had my daughters that you would suffer with them their losses of love. For some crazy reason, I thought that this was a private matter for them with their boyfriends, husbands, etc. I didn't know my heart would break along with theirs. I've seen it with my friends and their daughters too. All you think about is that little baby in your arms but as they grow, they are an extension of you and their joy is your joy, their pain is your pain.

Anyway as I think of Vince, Julia and Barack Obama, the lyrics strike me even more. "Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around" "No, it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good". Joy does return to us eventually after our hearts break open. Sometimes it takes longer than it should, I know.

Pray with me that the heart of this year 2009 will be good.

Thoughts while jet lagged

As I was returning from London this past Friday, looking out the airplane window, I remembered something Marjorie said about first entering the States from her native Scotland. (Marjorie owns the local tea place in Pacifica - Tranquilitea, if you ever get the chance, try to take in a cup of tea there - it is amazing.) Anyway, Marjorie commented that when she first landed in the States, she felt the energy of the busyness of the American people. The energy whizzed past her to and fro. I wondered as she told us this why she ever stayed here. How could you leave the calm of Scotland for the busyness of America? And where are we all running to and fro here? Although having just left London, the energy there is just as busy as the States, however, I do think there is more of a personal life for folks in London. They don't seem to have to be in the office at the crack of dawn and they leave for home at a reasonable hour. They seem to have a work-life balance. I noticed this when I worked at Barclays too.

Marjorie has created a little cozy respite here in Pacifica. Tranquilitea sits right by the bait shop on a very quiet, not heavily traffiked street. Marjorie lost her husband this past year and has to work now at another job as well as run the Tea shop. I hope she can maintain both but I don't know. She is now one of us busy American's, isn't she? When you walk into Tranquilitea, you feel instantly calm with the lavendar walls and white tables. I pray that Marjorie can maintain the peaceful Tranquilitea. I worry some days she won't be able to.

Bristol and me

We just saw the movie "Marley and Me" and it turned us into blubbering fools. I swear a sound was about to erupt from me that has only come out of me when I attended my mother-in-law Pat's funeral service. It's just that the movie so mirrored my life with my dog Bristol, from the loss of a baby, the craziness that puppies bring into your life and how attached you get to certain pets as they turn into old and wise pets. I remember my friend Mark calling Bristol, Mr. Einstein, because he had the white muzzle and the sweet good-nature of a very wise old man. Mark was deathly afraid of dogs but never Mr. Bristol. He was such a sweet and at the same time protective dog, attached fiercely to his people. The movie showed how the dog was an important part of the family and it brought back such tender moments for us. Kelly cried too and she's never one to cry in movies. She even wondered if she would cry at Grandma's funeral. When I got home, I had a message from a friend that the movie turned into a blubbering fool too so I knew it touched us pet owners in a special way. I'm lucky now to have a second dog that is as wonderful as Bristol was. Oh, how I go on and on. My family of non-pet owners would be rolling their eyes right now if they were reading this, thinking I was crazy. Sometimes allergies and life keep you away from pets. Kelly asked me as I left tonight, how can some people not ever have a dog in their lives?