Roller Coaster life

This afternoon I feel a strange, unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. And I think it has something to do with mortality, my mortality. I've had a slew of doctor's appointments, some just annual tests we have to take as we age and some a result of a symptom uncovered during one of the annual tests and one due to a gross rash that suddenly appeared shortly before my birthday.

I take each appointment as it comes and don't hold it in worrying about it. I usually release it immediately. I've worried more in the past few weeks about the fact that I did or did not have mud and snow tires on my new SUV.

In my life, usually things settle down and resolve themselves, like this crazy rash but my retina doesn't seem to be behaving. Now I have to go to a Retinal specialist, yet another appointment and I felt strangely fearful in the doctor's office. I had to tell myself that he was talking about my eyes, not someone else's eyes and that this will progress and I don't know how long it takes to progress and it's too early to ask that question until I have all these other tests done. I felt tears coming to my eyes. Have I been in denial about this when everyone around me, John, Mark and Doug all have admonished me to see a doc, not a strip mall Optometrist. I usually let things lie in God's hands and what will be, will be, but in this case, I have to be proactive and seek the treatment I need. I wonder, if the Optometrist had never noticed this macular dystrophy, would I just merrily move along my life with my excellent 20/20 vision? Never knowing what lurks in the future?

I was reminded that I am mere mortal with mere mortal organs and that life does not go on merrily but gets more trying as we age and we just have to move past the trials the best we can.

Gee, what is around that next corner I wonder? Life has been more joyful in the last few months, more surprising and scarier. You get all kinds of challenges in life, good and bad. I'm rambling now.